Why are boundaries important for graduate students? How is boundary-making a form of self-care? And, along these lines, what does it mean to be strategic? Before diving into these questions, I offer an anecdote about how I came to value the importance of boundaries.

First-Year Lessons

Coming into the Critical Dance Studies Ph.D. program, fresh out of undergrad and as a first-generation college student, was an exciting time for me. I felt proud of my acceptance into the program and for all the hard work I had put in. I was ready to give grad school my all! #watchoutworld

[Image Description: Linda Belcher, from Bob's Burgers, doing a very simple dance.]

Pictured: You, about to take on the world

As time went by, my first year as a graduate student became one of the most unnerving experiences of my life. As a first-generation doctoral student without a master’s degree, unlike most people in my cohort, I felt like an imposter. I developed an unhealthy and negative self-talk, and engaged in poor habits and decision making. Much of what I did was to compensate for my feelings of not being enough, good enough, or not belonging in my program (regardless of if these were true or not). Mind you, not all days were bad. Some days I felt super-smart-with-a-cherry-on-top for being able to articulate a nuanced point of an author’s argument during a grad seminar or for facilitating an engaging and thought-provoking TA discussion section. #getitgurl Even though I was experiencing positive moments alongside less pleasurable ones, I had fallen into the grasp of imposter syndrome, a minimizing cognitive distortion. But more to my point, one way I coped with the effects of this syndrome, which was further amplified by my excitement of being in grad school, was by becoming a “yes” person.

Now whether you are thinking, “that sounds familiar,” or “sucks to be you,” (no hard feelings if you are the latter) along with the thought of, “how is being a ‘yes’ person a bad thing?”, my answer for you is this: shingles. I had said “yes” to almost everything during my first year in grad school --- external requests and internal/personal challenges. My yeses were an overcompensation for my feeling of not-being-enough and I, therefore, needed to be an overachiever to prove to myself that I belonged in grad school. As a result, I was overextended and overworked so much to the point that when mid-summer came, my body gave up. My immune system crashed and I contracted shingles, an adult version of chickenpox. I was in excruciating, uncomfortable, and stinging pain. And so, I am writing and sharing, partly from this memory of blistering pain, to urge you to please, take care of yourselves. Your body can only endure so much.

[Image Description: A cat sits dropped against the wall, it's hind legs sprawled out in front of it sadly.]

Pictured: We've all been there

So, why are boundaries important for graduate students, or in my case, why would it have been important for me to slip in a few nos during my first year in grad school? If you answered “shingles,” yes (kudos for you for paying attention), but also, and to speak more broadly, our health and well-being should always be a priority. As Dr. Sharon L. Milgram, Director of National Institute of Health, Office of Intramural Training & Education, says, “to do well, we have to be well...the foundation of success in your education and career journey is learning how to take care of yourself,” and, as a fourth-year doctoral student, bearing more experience than my first, I 100% agree with Dr. Milgram. This is not to say that you will or are experiencing any of the things that I have experienced as a graduate student or that you will contract shingles from being stressed, overwhelmed, and/or overworked. #fingerscrossedforyou I also want to acknowledge my abled body privileges and perhaps, why I could have afforded to not make my health and well-being a priority, or at least intermittently. Conclusively, this is to say that taking care of yourself, that having a continuous self-care practice, is a crucial tool and skill to have in order to survive and thrive in academia. Boundary-making became that crucial tool and skill for me. I offer, then, boundary-making as a form of strategic self-care.

Reframing boundaries as self-care

According to the handy-dandy online Merriam-Webster dictionary, a boundary is “something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.” To get us thinking about boundaries in the context of graduate school, what are your limits when executing a task, carrying out a project or when it comes to navigating a professional relationship? Do you have identifiable limits? When do you draw the line? To what extent will you do something, for who and why? What pulls you back? I recently listened to Prentis Hemphill’s podcast, “Finding Our Way”, and in episode five, they brilliantly share: “boundaries are a way to keep us intact.” #YAASPRENTIS And so, what are the boundaries that you already have or that you need to make as a graduate student to keep you intact? What are some boundaries that can keep you or get you to being well, so that you can do well?

Boundaries are often associated with negativity or hold negative connotations. It sees “no” as a cut-off point, a rejection or dismissal. But what if boundaries were associated with positivity, integrity, and self-empowerment? Instead of focusing on a boundary’s “limit or extent,” on the periphery of things, what if we focused on the center, on us, on our priorities as the guiding principle for which boundaries develop from? What if we saw boundaries as a way of taking care of ourselves? I assert that boundary-making is an act of self-care, of “self-preservation,” because saying “no” to some things is also saying “yes” to others, such as your wellbeing.

[Image Description: A smiling cartoon face of a girl with hearts floating above her head.]

Pictured: Someone who said "yes" to wellbeing 

Let’s get strategic

If you’ve gotten this far, then you must be ready to tap into your fullest potential as a graduate student (or just curious). Provided are two ways to approach boundary-making as strategic self-care. I encourage you to try both.

 

Set your goals, make them a priority, stay flexible, and protect with boundaries.

This approach has four steps. They work in conjunction with each other with the objective of meeting goals. Get started by setting weekly, monthly, quarterly, and/or yearly goals (whatever your heart desires, really) but most importantly, make sure you make them a priority. As silly as it sounds, sometimes we forget or simply do not make our goals a priority. Additionally, make time to revisit and reevaluate your goals to see how they fit as priorities in your life because last time I checked, we are still in a pandemic. And if you are one of those brave souls who regularly check the news, you know that there is a crisis lurking at every corner. So stay flexible and intune to your needs. Shifting your priorities to meet where you are at is more than okay to do, but be sure that these shifts are intentional and purposeful. Lastly, you must protect your goals, your priorities, with boundaries. What better way to take care of yourself than by meeting your goals with boundaries?

Tapping into your nos/knows.

Learn to say “no,” practice saying “no” and in different ways. In “The Art of Saying No”, a National Center for Faculty Development & Diversity webinar, facilitator Angelique Davis points out that “saying no is fraught with power dynamic, feelings of obligation or expectation, negative repercussions or [is] just [about] not wanting to let other people down.” As graduate students, there is a lot we have to navigate through, and sometimes, saying “no” is not as easy as it sounds or as Magnolia’s blog persona makes it out to be. Therefore, have different ways of saying “no” and engage in a tone that is most appropriate or fruitful for the context, circumstance or dynamic. Additionally, do not feel guilty about your nos/knows --- your knowings of yourself. Own your nos/knows with confidence. #cheesypunsforthewin Tapping into your knowledge of self and using boundaries to protect and cultivate your potential is the self-care work that will help you thrive in academia.

If I have piqued your interest in boundary-making as strategic self-care, if you want to know more, want to get connected to more resources or talk to me because I am an #awesomeperson or, well, the Special Topics for Mental Health and Wellness Resources at UCR, come visit me during office hours (Wednesdays from 2-4 pm PST) or email me! I would love to meet you and chat!

I must bid you adieu but will leave you with some reminders. Making boundaries is an act of self-care. Taking care of yourself is crucial in graduate school because, as instructed by Dr. Milgram, “to do well, we have to be well.” Make boundaries work for you. Boundary-making is a tool that you already possess. You need only to put it to use. Boundary-making is one way you can make sure your needs and wants are met. It is a way to keep you “intact,” as Prentis Hemphill says it. Boundaries honor your goals and priorities. They are invested in your happiness and wellbeing, and at the end of the day, it is your job to make you happy. You got this.

[Image Description: Two cartoon arms wiggling back and forth below the words: Good Vibes.]

Pictured: What you'll be feeling when you practice boundary-making as self-care